2023-04-21 07:22:32
The loss of a loved onea sentimental breakthe professional uncertaintyand heartbreaka diseasehe sustained stress… The trigger for a crisis personal It puts us against the ropes and the overcoming process it becomes an opportunity. But what happens when the crisis vital we don’t go through it but ours partner, friend, child…? podcast creator How to live calmlythe coach and therapist By Alba Ferret just published The serene shipwreck. A guide to understand your discomfort in times of crisis and transform it into calm and serenity (Uranus Editions). A book that is born of his own experience. In 2012 she starred in a life crisis as a result of a couple break up that led her to completely rethink existence. we talk her to give us in exclusivea decalogue of keys to know how to help a person who is going through a moment of crisis.
10 keys to help a person who is going through a moment of crisis
Empathy, presence y self care are three fundamental legs to effectively help a person who is going through a moment of crisis. These are the keys of the expert in mindfulness and emotional intelligence By Alba Ferret:
1. Accompany from acceptance.
“Before delving into the critical process of another person, it is important that you bear in mind that help is only possible if the other is willing to make a change in your life. We cannot help those who do not want to be helped and we can’t force anyone to want to be helped”, explains By Alba Ferret. “Unfortunately, most of us do profound changes when the suffering it becomes unsustainable. So I advise you to focus more on accompany than in helping In the accompaniment there is acceptance and respect for the present; in need of help, expectation”.
2. Before taking care, take care of yourself.
“Accompany in suffering and the discomfort of another person requires a lot of presence and ability to emotional regulationhe. If you are going through a complex moment in which you feel that the stress it eats you up and your emotions overflow, ask yourself if you are really with energy to sustain someone else’s process”. Also, keep in mind that “if due to your personal circumstances you are going through your own crisisthe emotional state of the other person can hinder your healing process“.
3. Don’t force distraction.
You will be surprised to see how small gestures (a hug, a few words of encouragement, a delicious meal) tend to be the most restorative.
“Something we do very often when a loved one is going through a bad time is wanting to distract him. We offer you all kinds of plans to avoid your mind to focus on your discomfort with the false perception that, by doing so, we are helping your recovery process“, says the expert in emotional intelligence. “Deep down, behind this dynamic lies the unconscious need to want to save the other and, at the same time, reveals the discomfort that the discomfort of others. What we don’t see is that by distracting him from his emotional worldwe also deprive him of the deep information that pain or sadness are bringing into your life; a strategy that drowns out the emotion, but that also prevents it from being processed and transcended”. What to do then? “When you want to propose plans for the other to be distracted, ask yourself from where you propose them. Do you want to spend some time with that person to enjoy his company or are you looking to save him from discomfort? So I propose that, when faced with a proposed plan, you let the other person decide if he wants or not get out of your discomfort to accompany you in the enjoyment”.
4. Your presence is the gift.
“All people have three basic needs: to be seen, to be valued and to be loved. And when we are in a low momentthese three needs are further exacerbated by feel vulnerable before the outside That’s why, even if it doesn’t seem like it, your single presence is enough for the other person to feel comforted,” explains the author of the serene shipwreck. “You don’t need to do anything extraordinary, or make a big speech. Giving your time and attention to that person you care about is a great act of love which can be very healing. You will be surprised to see how small gestures (a hugwords of encouragement, a delicious meal) tend to be the most restorative”.
5. Actively listen.
“We do not see the world as it is, but as we are. For this reason, things that may not be important to you can be tremendously relevant issues for the other person. Therefore, open yourself to the listen carefullyletting go of judgment and activating the empathy“. Therefore, “when the other person is expressing your feelings, listen with all your senses and try to leave behind everything you know about that person. Simply accept her words fully: put your mind in the presentwithout judging what he tells you, without trying to solve his life, asking -if you feel it necessary- to understand all the nuances of his emotional world“. And he adds: “If you notice that your mind goes away creating a story about what you are listening to, take a deep breath and brings her back to the here and now”.
6. Validate their emotions.
When it is another person who is going through a personal crisis, it is just as important to hold on as it is to know how to let go.
“Give space and validates emotions that arise without trying to change them, even if you don’t understand them or don’t agree with them. Avoid expressions like “that’s nonsense”, “you’re too sensitive”, “everything affects you”, “it’s not that bad”, “it could be worse”, etc. It’s more, save yourself expressions of the type “cheer up” or “chill out.” After all, no one chooses to feel sadness, fear, frustration or pain on purpose,” explains Alba Ferreté. “Instead, put yourself in their shoes, empathize with what they may be feeling, let the other person know that you are there with her and, if you want, you can ask “what can I do for you?” or “what do you need?”
7. Connect from shared vulnerability.
“Few things are more transformative than to connect with another human being from the vulnerability shared, that calmness that is experienced when you realize that your feeling is not at all strange and that, deep down, underlying emotions Similar. From this place of intimacy, he brings new points of view and esperanza when feeling alien It is not about having a competition about who had a worse time, but rather about sharing heart to heart: how did you feel the last time you had a bad time, what helped you, what learning you pulled out,” says the therapist.
8. Open roads.
“Accompanying another person in their discomfort is not going to save their life or force their recovery process (remember that we cannot help those who do not want to be helped). However, one thing we can do is propose resources that we find interesting so that they are encouraged to investigate as a book, a podcast, a Youtube video, a lecture, etc.”, he points out. “The key is no expectation. Imagine it as if you were planting seeds in a fertile field of multiple possibilities. Some will germinate and others will not. If your proposals are not well received, remember that this does not talk about you, it talks about the feelings of the other and their vital moment“.
9. Connect with compassion, trust and be patient.
Open up to attentive listening, letting go of judgment and activating empathy.
“Keep this in mind: the other is not an underdog, he is a human being in the process of Learning and growth that you have at your disposal everything you need to cope with discomfort. However, it is not always the time to fight or the pace of recovery is not always good for the people around you. That is why, when we accompany someone in their crisis processso important is that we are compassionate with their emotional state and respect its rhythm as we believe in its inner strength to deal with the situation. Otherwise we may fall into victimize himsomething that can affect their self-concept”, explains Alba.
10. Release if necessary.
“Holding is as important as knowing how to let go. holdwe give the other person the opportunity to be inspired and accompany them in their recovery process, but if the other person is not there at that moment and is not capable of appreciating the opportunity that life is offering them through you, they can be tremendously exhausting and harmful to your physical and mental well-being“, he explains. “Ask yourself then if you can keep holding this situation and take the necessary actions to respect your own needs, even if that means letting go of that relationship or temporarily moving away”, concludes By Alba Ferret.
Alba Ferreté (Uranus Editions). For sale on Amazon (
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